The Mother's Day Trap

I'm not much for these "Hallmark" holidays. We've all heard it before. It's been discussed to death. The flowers and chocolate are more expensive, the constant barrage of advertising from restaurants, jewelry and department stores and of course greeting card purveyors, all reminding us that Valentines Day is coming, or Mother's Day, or Father's Day, on Love Your Pet day, or whatever. A brunch that is worth $15 next Sunday will be worth $55 on this Sunday because it's Mother's Day. Give me a freaking break.

I take exception to this on so many levels.

First, I am the mother of a teenage girl. She is really a lovely human being. It's just that right now we don't always see eye to eye. Ok, I'm kind of underplaying it. But you know what I mean. I would altogether give up the forced niceness of Mother's Day if we could distribute a little of that niceness over a longer period time. Who's with me? I would like to spend some time with her that does not involve credit cards or malls, and just have fun....I love her, and hope she remembers she loves me at some point, other than when she wants me to stay up late to put her laundry in the dryer. Don't get me wrong, she often surprises me with unexpected moments of sweetness, good humor, and consideration, but if I had to pick between a whole day of forced and manufactured "be nice to Mommy", or more spontaneous fun and warmth over time, I would definitely choose the latter.

Next- Mother's Day must be incredibly difficult and sad and painful for those who have lost their Mom's. I get frustrated when I call my Mom and she doesn't answer the phone when I have a question, or need to know what temperature to cook the chicken on for the 500th time. I do not have a frame of reference for what it must feel like to not be able to talk to my Mom, ever. And my Mom and I don't have a perfect or ideal relationship. She sometimes makes me angry, and frustrated -so much so that I have at moments felt almost envious of friends whose Mom's are not in the picture, so they don't have to deal with the some of the "Mom baggage". It's evil I know, but then I cool down, and I realize how awful and miserable and lost I would feel in this world without my Mom and I thank God that I have her, regardless of how big of a pain in the ass she is at times. I'm sure she feels the same about me. So, for those who must live without their Mom's, in a constant barrage of Mother's Day advertising, I feel great sadness. I'm sure that the loss hurts, stings and aches daily, but thanks to the American economic media machine, for a few weeks in the end of April and early May each year, it gets to be just a little worse.

Last- what are teaching our kids by designating one day a year that is specifically for honoring a parent, or a loved one? Maybe I'm a bigger ass than most people, but to me, all these made up holidays are not the pinnacles of lives where we endeavor to honor our parents, and our loved ones each day, and then on Mother's Day celebrate our Mother in grand style after a year of treating her well. We neglect, mistreat, ignore, or sometimes abuse all our relationships. We take the people closest to us for granted at times, and then on whatever calendar date is assigned, buy a gift and a card, plan a meal, or make a reservation, and consider our obligation fulfilled. Wouldn't it be better to spread all that effort over the year? To find time for simple meals, little notes, a walk, a cup of tea, a phone call, a thoughtful trinket, rather than a big event to make Mom, Dad, or whomever feel special for a few hours? I do.

Oh.my. God. I sound like my Mother.